Since I started on my long, drawn-out mission to go it alone,I’ve been trying to do exactly that: do everything alone. Admittedly, spending money hasn’t been an option for most of this time, but I had this weird idea in my head that I was somehow cheating if I asked for help.
Which I did anyway – of course. I just kept telling myself it wasn’t forever.
When Finding Plenty was launched, I promised myself two things: firstly, that I will release two posts per week initially, on Tuesday and Thursday; and secondly, that the published content will be good. A subjective condition, maybe, but I resolved to apply the nit-pickity high standards I have for other people’s stuff (I’m a virgo, ‘nuff said) to myself. And I did.
This is new
In contrast with previous experience, I’ve been consistently applying effort to this blog since day one. It’s taken courage – I’ve even started letting people who know me personally take a look at what I’m up to, so it must be getting serious.
I’ve done a whole lot so far – in fact, I have cause to feel pretty pleased with myself – but I certainly, without a doubt, haven’t done it alone. On the contrary; now I’m actually on the way I think I need more help than ever before. I’ve decided this is good.
On the whole, being British, I don’t feel very comfortable with long, gushing outpourings of appreciation. Even being on the receiving end (it has been known), I am quick to brush it away. But something weird is happening right now – the ‘something’ this blog is about: the more I find a place to express who I really am – the more I override the voices that tell me to conform – the more I want to give back.
That’s Plenty: that feeling, right there. Being so full up that you’re just itching to share it around. Seriously – get yourself some, it’s awesome.
So, bear with me folks, I have some people to thank. Skim through if it’s making you squirm, skip to the end if you need; I’ll tell you when it’s safe. But this has to be done.
I want to thank the coaches Noreen; Jools; Tara; Cigdem; Catherine and Vanessa, who each helped me achieve major “Aha!” moments before I vanished into the ether, totally sure I could now go it alone. Ladies, please know that every single realization, every little bit of learning is etched on my brain. Each and every one of them has been a huge important part of the jigsaw puzzle that led me here. Thank you – from my heart.
There are the readers and commenters from my previous blog, including the precious few that still click ‘like’ on my Facebook page, even though it’s evolved. It’s so good to know that you’re there.
Then there are the endless – endless! – bloggers and writers whose creations have told me that success is possible, and then proceeded to show me how its done; those who have led me to my own writing style and helped me find a mission and a message of my own. Some of these writers (especially the good ones) have scared the bejeezus out of me. I’m glad.
I want to say something really special for my long-suffering fella who – quite simply – does not think like I do and who has put up with my totally baffling (to him) bouts of fear, inexplicable u-turns and my sheer terror in the face of talking about anything that matters. He’s still here, and still lovely. I’m so pleased.
And friends – friends! The ones I have been hiding from because I don’t feel worthy, the ones I haven’t made time for, who are still here and waiting for me to be ready. The ones who have absolutely no idea what I’m talking about but who still want me to succeed. Those who ask me really uncomfortable questions and don’t laugh at what I say in reply. Yeah, you. Thanks.
It’s safe now.
Trying to go it alone does not work.
But when you’re up to your eyeballs in soul-sucking work, when all your efforts and energy go into paying the bills and the promise of a bit of fun is so far away that it’s just a laughable fiction in the back of your mind, the thought of owing somebody something is just one step too far.
Yes, better to go it alone, you think, or find a quick payoff that makes it all straight.
And so you work harder, wait longer, struggle more. Anything but put yourself in some form of debt. But still, life being the way it is, if you want to make any progress, you have to be helped.
And you will be (thank goodness for that!)
The payoff for accepting help gracefully is more happiness, more ease, and smoother success. And ‘success’ around here includes your ability to make a difference in the world. Believe me, without help, this won’t happen… but with help? You’ll find ways to give back tenfold! When you’re ready, you’ll know how.